Question: Dear Milton: My boss has been acting strange lately. He has memory loss, disappears for weeks at a time and seems to be in love with a 17 year old waitress. He hasn't opened the place up for tourists in at least three months and doesn't plan to participate in the UFO Cenvention this year. He actually refused Shatner when he called to inquire about guest appearances. Only two employees remain and we do absolutely nothing. We miss our former boss greatly. Is there any chance he would be willing to come back?
Signed- Byron
Answer: Dear Byron, your letter brought a tear to this UFOlogist's eye. To know one is missed in his field of expertise is one of life's greatest moments. I think this old boss of yours must be one proud humanoid at this very minute! I'm sure he would love to return but the new boss simply refuses to relinquish the business. Also, this man may be doing ground breaking work in the Los Angeles area that makes it very difficult to leave at the moment. Still, he wishes to tell you that he misses both you and Evans and he has people watching that boss of yours. Your new boss has definitely made it on the list, if you know what I mean. We are onto those absences and have linked him to other disappearances in the area. Of course, they aren't alien related. We believe he is moonlighting as a male stripper in the Las Vegas area. He has been taking other male residents with him and inducting them into the seedy night life. One such male youth is now billed as Dr Love. Please let Evans know before he is mislead and is given the title of Rob Roy. This is a very sticky situation but I assure you that your former boss is trying to take care of it.




  • Volkarians eat vaseline mixed with Grape Jelly.
  • Hositians smell like metal from over abundant amounts of Iron in their blood.
  • Diviates have three tongues.

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(This was a link to adopt a featured character)






We are pleased to announce that CCHS has merged with Milton-Abductions, Inc. and will now feature the full newsletter.



Energy Source: (noun) First appeared in the English language during The 2000 UFO Convention in Roswell, N.M. (definition) Something extremely dangerous to Aliens if allowed to rule their minds. Only occurs with the males.



  • March 12th: Sefter Wilcox returned from Golton. He has clear memories of his abduction.
  • March 18th: Tristan Johnson, five year old son of Donna Johnson, dreamed he could fly and spoke in a mumbled language in his sleep.
  • March 21st: Liz Parker was reported missing from Roswell, N.M. but the report was retracted by Sheriff Jim Valenti, Jr. The official statement was that she was in Carlsbad.



  • March 18th: Killer Quiet reported a bright light in Frazier Woods (Roswell, N.M.)
  • March 21st: Lily Mulford reported that EBES came into her house on Sunday afternoon and ate the elborate dinner she cooked for her church choir. (Albany, GA)



This newsletter is not affiliated with Steven Hytner (great actor who portrayed Milton) nor any of Jason Katims staff. This is intended for entertainment purposes only.





Submitted By: Harvey Waylans.
As you know Harvey reported he was abducted in July of 1989. He was returned but his cow, Clara, was not. Harvey has a brother-in-law in the FBI who obtained a copy of this photo. Harvey has identified the cow as the long lost Clara.