Question: Dear Milton: I was wondering what had happened to you over the summer. We haven't seen much of you lately, and we just wanted to make sure that you're okay. Secondly, the new boss who took over for you Brody (?) is it? seems to be strange, and rather unhinged. Amy Deluca, is concerned for her daughter, and as her friend I'd ask you to please look into it. That would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Signed- Diane Evans
Answer: Dear Mrs Evans, delighted to hear from you and thanks for sending the Bhindi Masala from your Martha Stewart collection. My staff really *cough* enjoyed it.
Ok, down to the business at hand. Brody Davis. This man seems to be the heart of everyones suspicions. Rest easy, Mrs Evans, he is not an alien. My recent information does say however that Brody (age varies from 26-28) does have an interest in teenage girls and dropped acid in the late eighties. He was a huge Flock of Seagulls fan and thought Judd Nelson was robbed of an academy award for his work on Breakfast Club. He was spotted in New York City meeting with some seedy characters but I highly doubt this means that he's consorting with aliens. My guess is Brody Davis is the run of the mill guy who got interested in UFOlogy only because it's the "cool" thing of the moment. I curse the new wave age for this. It really makes it a chore to separate the real believers from the acid dropping crack pots.
Question: Dear Milton: My friend and I are in a huge debate and hope you can settle this for us. Were any of the U.S. Presidents from "up North?" Twenty bucks is riding on this one!
Signed- Tom Collins
Answer: Dear Tom, Hands down Martin Van Buren! Look and see if you can deny it!
- Our Media plays a heavy role in other cultures such as...
- Miscellaneous Elvis ramblings are often noticed after an encounter.
- Western Pollarians have elected Kevin Costner as their ambassador to the U.S.
- A recent version of "Baby, hit me one more time" was used to destroy an entire society in Kilmajuyroh. It was piped in until the current government folded from deteriorating mental health. According to a source Brittany Spears is receiving kickbacks from the successful coup.
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(This was a link to a featured Roswell website)
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(This was a link to adopt a featured character)
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Roving reporters in Roswell tell me that there was a recent break in at the bowling alley. Although not alien in nature (we assume) it does suggest a sort of criminal element has returned. Note to self: Keep an eye on Sean DeLuca.
Destiny: (noun) First used as a taboo on Mother's Day 2000 (definition) Something that interferes with a desired course and subsequently makes one cringe everytime it is used. (related words: curse, witchcraft, illusion)
- April 1st: Tally Richards, 104, was found dead after she told her son that he was the love child of an alien that possesses bodies. The alien goes by the name of Larek.
- April 13th: Greg Biggs reports he battled Nonidata again on Planet Marijuanita.
- April 17th: Darla Manes noticed Amy DeLuca's mood took a change for the elated when she returned from the stock room at the Shop 'n Cheap. Darla said Sheriff Valenti was yet again on the scene checking it out.
- April 8th: Charlie Summers vividly recalls blinding lights in the sky after a spring shower. (Carlsbad, N.M.)
- April 12th: Ella Harding began craving mashed potatoes and hot sauce. She has since learned she and Mr ?Ebert? Harding (formly of Roswell, N.M.) are expecting their first child. Reporters are watching the "situation." (St Louis, Mo)
This newsletter is not affiliated with Steven Hytner (great actor who portrayed Milton) nor any of Jason Katims staff. This is intended for entertainment purposes only.
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Submitted By: Jackson Dougherty
Jackson was the center of attention at the UFO Convention in Settle when he presented this gem! The man in the picture is unknown and disappeared as the craft hovered over him. Jackson reported to be knocked out at the time of the actual abduction. Please notify me if you have further information about the unknown abductee.
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