~When you point your finger up in the air to show where you are from, it can mean up north, Canada, and outer space. (Pilot/Heatwave)

~Silver handprints fade after a couple of days. (Pilot)

~You shouldn't show fake alien pictures to the tourists. (Pilot)

~For an alien to heal you, you have to look at them. (Pilot)

~Police need better descriptions of perps than "muscular Beavis" and "beefy Butthead." (Pilot)

~If we had alien powers we could listen to CDs by holding them up to our ears or by waving our hands over them. (Pilot/Max in the City)

~Czechoslovakians have these incredibly soulful eyes... (Morning After)

~The sum of the angles in a triangle is 180 degrees, not 360 degress. (Morning After)

~The Eraser Room does two things - It cleans erasers and it takes our innocence! (Morning After)

~Czechoslovakia has not existed for over ten years. (Morning After)

~Some people are just pigs. (Monsters)

~If a relationship isn't complicated, you aren't with your soulmate. (Leaving Normal)

~When you follow your heart, you leave normal. (Leaving Normal)

~The bigger your world gets the bigger your problems get. (Missing)

~Watching The View keeps guys in touch with their feminine side. (285 South)

~Musicians get all the ladies. (Blood Brothers)

~Vibrators are people who communicate by sending vibes off into the atmosphere. (River Dog)

~Aliens like sweet mixed with spicy. (River Dog)

~Aliens never need more than one bottle of nail polish at a time. (Heat Wave)

~Slugs can be gay. {Max said it, not me!!!} (Heat Wave)

~A possible purpose for aliens coming to earth is to wipe out the world, one annoying teenager at a time. (The Balance)

~Being in love is when you can be your happiest and your saddest all at one time. (The Balance)

~Adults are the enemy. (Toy House)

~Echinacea is good for colds. (Into the Woods)

~In poker, two pair beats a full house. (Into the Woods)

~To get over someone, think about mud. (The Convention)

~What's so great about normal? (Blind Date)

~This is your brain on Max... (Independence Day)

~Opposites attract. (Independence Day)

~Everybody's got red sneakers. (Sexual Healing)

~Women like surprises. (Crazy)

~Roswell attracts all kinds. (Crazy)

~Bubble bath is a better gift than shampoo/conditioner in one. (Crazy)

~Before you can expect someone to trust you, you have to trust them first. (Tess, Lies, and Videotape)

~There are signs all around you. (Four Square)

~You are who you choose to be. (Four Square)

~There's something in the water... (Four Square)

~Even evil FBI agents let aliens get some sleep. (Max to the Max)

~However unique you think your problems are, it's all just normal teenage stuff. (Skin and Bones)

~Geologists dig around in the middle of nowhere. (Skin and Bones)

~You can never find those little pod people when you need them. (Skin and Bones)

~Use carbon dating to figure out how long ago something died. (Skin and Bones)

~Half the movies ever made are about soldiers with chicks waiting at home for them. (Skin and Bones)

~No conditions are permanent. No conditions are reliable. Nothing is self. (Ask Not)

~The Cuban Missile Crisis. (Ask Not)

~Note to self...take more computer classes. (Ask Not)

~Note to self...get 4-wheel drive. (Surprise)

~Mean people suck. (Summer of '47)

~Kids today are softer than soap. (Summer of '47)

~Cars are like men - give their cable a little jiggle and they'll be fine till morning. (Summer of '47)

~A person can't meet up with themselves in the past. (End of the World)

~In order to trim the lamp of wisdom, we must attend to our bodily needs. (End of the World)

~Martha Stewart serves frijoles frittata to her guests in the Hamptons. (Wipe Out)

~A black hole is what's left after a star dies. (Meet the Dupes)

~A holiday is not necessary to dress up. (Meet the Dupes)

~Alien abductions are really more like alien possesions. (Max in the City)

~When an alien heals you, you're changed. (Max in the City)

~When one's heart and one's mind are not in balance, one's body is the first to fail. (A Roswell Christmas Carol)

~A Christmas gift should be personal, thoughtful, and something one would never get for themselves. (A Roswell Christmas Carol)