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NATIONAL INTERROGATOR DIGS IN WITH J.J. COLLINS
NATIONAL INTERROGATOR DIGS IN WITH J.J. COLLINSJ.J.'s Oath:
"Let the lesser journalists report the obvious, I get to the real truth behind today's biggest stories."
HOLD THE MAYO (CLINIC)!!!
Channel 15 Evening News, 12/24/00
NNA Newswire, 12/25/00:
"A Christmas miracle for the University of Arizona Children's Hospital. On December 24, 2000, tests revealed five of the hospital's pediatric cancer patients were suddenly cancer free. The patients were part of a highly experimental drug protocol, which focused on treating several forms of cancer non-invasively. Although expectations were high for the results of the experimental run of TGR-3, no one could have anticipated such a response. "We're in shock, quite frankly," comments Dr. Amsie Soria. "To have five children suddenly completely free of cancer at the same exact time is nothing short of a miracle." The hospital is continuing to conduct several tests on the patients and are hesitant to suggest the drug is a cure for cancer. Warns Dr. Soria, "The results make us very happy, but we're at a critical juncture right now. We need to keep a close eye on these kids to see just how thorough the treatment was and if there are any side effects." At the moment, the only discernable side effect to the children's health was a grayish skin rash that briefly broke out on the patients' stomachs. The pattern of the rash seemed consistent on all the patients and was described by one parent to be "like a handprint.""
The National news seems to be satisfied to end the story there. But, not J. J. Collins! National Interrogator nabbed an Exclusive Interview with Mark O'Connor, an eyewitness to this Medical Miracle. O'Connor, a hospital security guard on duty during the miracle, promises, "It wasn't modern medicine that cured those kids, it was the Hand of God!"
At 8:33pm on December 23, 2000, a nurse from the pediatric oncology ward called the security offices. She believed two men visiting the ward were impersonating doctors. When one of the men went into the children's room while the other lurked outside, she called security. O'Connor and two guards arrived at the pediatric cancer unit just as the second unidentified man ran into the children's room. The guards followed, but were stymied by a locked door. "Door can't be locked, it's a fire hazard," marvels O'Connor. "But it was fused shut. I've been a security guard for well over 10 months and I've never seen anything like it." O'Connor says that as he used a chair to break down the door to the unit he heard voices inside. "We thought these sickos had locked themselves in there with the kids. There were all kinds of noises. But then I heard a voice say, 'There's a God and he's gonna help us now.'"
Finally, the guards were able to break through the mysteriously locked door only to find the five children playing happily. "It was the spookiest thing. One minute, they're at death's door. The next, they're jumping on beds and playing pattycake." The men were nowhere to be seen.
In his exclusive interview with National Interrogator, O'Connor reveals the startling truth behind the grayish skin rash on the children's stomachs. "It was a handprint clear as day. It looked like silver, like it could glow. Everyone was scared it was from radiation or something, but I knew what it was soon as I saw it. It was the mark of our Heavenly Father. God came down and healed these children with his hand." That's not the only proof of the Lord's presence that night, says O'Connor. "When I saw those handprints on the kids' stomachs, I looked heavenward and, swear to Jesus, there was a water stain on the ceiling in the shape of, uh, Jesus." Although none of the other hospital staff agreed with him about the resemblance, O'Connor stands firm. "This was God's work. The voices, the handprint, the watermark it was a genuine miracle!" (Buy a piece of holy ceiling tile from NI's online store for only $6.75 per square inch!)
As for the mysterious trespassers seen by the nurse, O'Connor guesses, "Well, she said they were real attractive. I figure they were saints or something. Like God's bodyguards, you know? Anyway, they weren't in the room when we got there. They went back up to heaven, I suppose."