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When Roswell was on the air, there was a lot of resentment among the dreamers when Tess was introduced to the show. We'd had spoilers that she was meant to be a new love interest for Max, and as you can imagine, that didn't go over very well.
As the episodes aired, some dreamers expressed open hatred and others even started groups against Tess, like the Vigilante Girls (anti Tess and anti Rebel group), HTC (Hate Tess Club), NVTP (the non-violent Tess protest), RAGE (Roswellians Against Glorified Extras - they considered Tess to be an extra), the ATL (Anti-Tess League - thought Tess was completely evil and wanted her completely gone), PTH (Pure Tess Haters), TESSSUX. Some of the Tess protestors even refused to say her name and instead came up with a variety of colorful nicknames for her, gerbil, snake, trash, tramp, ho, slut, and my favorite, EMHB (Evil Mindwarping Hose Beast or Evil Mindwarping Hell Beast) De-Tess-ters (fans who hate Tess) started websites and campaings against her character. Some of them even went further and started planning Tess' demise. It became a sort of game to find new and creative ways to kill her in lists or even mini-fics. Below are the hate Tess things I saved. I'm sure there were many more, so send them in if you have them. This is from the closed site Roswell Pod Squad  
The Disclaimer: This site, and it's constituents have no problem with Emilie de Raven, the actress who plays Tess, she is a beautiful and talented actress. However, the character she plays in Roswell should rot in a fiery pit of hell fire. That is what the hate-Tess club is about, the open hatred surrounding the alien hussy! Here's the Deal people. Tess is a big B*tch if you know what I'm talking about. This site was established before the whole murdering betrayal and so the hatred of Tess is even deeper and darker than anyones wildest dreams. The Pod Squad and their human companions have alraedy joined together in the bond of Tess Hatred. Do the same, and make your country proud. The murdering, whore of a want-a-be alien princess deserves to pay. Rage (Roswellians Against Glorified Extras) 
This site ran campaings to try and get Tess' character given less of a role, or even taken off the show. A small site with fanfic and art 
This site had anti-Tess episode ravings, creative Tess Hating sections, Deaths of Tess short story writing challenge, other character Tess-hating quotes, and anti Rebounder (Lamptrimmer) sections. 
If you're just going to take one look at this site, see that it's anti-Tess and proceed to whine to me about how great she is and how it's not her fault Max and Liz aren't together, I PLEAD with you to FIRST READ THE SITE. The Anti-Tess League is NOT just a bunch of Dreamgirls - some of us aren't Dreamers AT ALL. Please don't judge this site without even reading it first - it is a waste of my time and yours. I have put a lot of thought into what goes on these pages. You may not agree with the views expressed here, but please don't judge us before knowing what we're really about. What is the Anti-Tess League? We're the last surviving Roswellians with common sense. That's the sense to see that Tess is not what she seems. She's not to be trusted, no matter how many cute scenes she gets with Kyle. The ATL is like Morpheus, Trinity and crew from the Matrix -- the last few people left who have not been mindwarped. And we will not be fooled. Glossy paper pamphlets: $5000 Private jet: $10 million dollars Compounds in Roswell, NM and Covina, CA: $4 million dollars A Tess-free, Hussy-free universe: Priceless. There are some things you can buy. For everything else, there's the AntiTessLeague. :-) These are my "Could Have Been Favourite Moments, But Aren't, Because They Didn't Happen": From "Crazy Tess: "Hi! I'm Tess." Alex: "Hold on...(takes out semi-automatic and, placing it against her head, fires)...much better. (turns to Isabel) Now, where were we?" From "Skin and Bones" (Tess helping Michael control his powers) Tess: "Next one. Keep your focus." (Michael screws up his face, and swings his arm around) Tess: No, NO, not me! The other direction, Michael, Michael!!" (Tess is destroyed) Michael: "Oops" From "A Roswell Christmas Carol" Tess: "I have been cooking for 20 hours, while you two have been sitting back on the couch like 2 beached whales, not even noticing or caring that I am living here. Ok. I am here. Hello. Hello? So, since I'm living here, I should have a damn chair to sit in!" Kyle: "We just didn't want you getting too comfortable here" Tess: "Why? Jim (gleefully): "Because as soon as Christmas is over, we are booting your ass to the gutter." From "Destiny" Tess: "What do we do now, Max?" Max: "Is that before, or after, I kick your ass?" At the end of sesaon 2, of course the site was proven correct about Tess being evil and posted this banner 
Here a Tess death list I saved from the Vigilante Girls site. by Denise of the Vigilante Girls note: not all VG's openly endorse the death of tess- they simply would like to keep the conventional couples together. others, such as I, would like to see complete and total annihilation of the gerbil. Death #1 it's a regular roswellian day. everyone is getting ready for school. and as per usual tess is wearing some skin-tight spandex. all over. she goes to school and during first period, she starts feeling light-headed. as the day wears on, more and more oxygen is cut off from her brain due to the fact that the hoe gear is WAY too tight and she's an idiot and doesn't realize it. in bio, she falls face down into her partially dissected frog. no one cries, no one cares and all is right in roswell.... Death #2 The Roswell crew does a Secret Santa. Maria gets to be Tess's secret santa. Maria gets Tess a framed photo of Max and Liz in each other's arms. Tess gets so upset she generates another fire fart and sets her uberblonde locks on fire. Isabel offers to help her hold her head in a bucket. For half an hour. Death #3 tess is desperate. she thinks that she is losing max, cause she is, of course. so, she decides to recreate the conditions of the first time max kissed her. she wrecks her car and begins to wait in the rain under the shoe service sign, he head covering the "s" so it says hoe service. as we all know, she barely wears clothes so she is dressed in barely anything. as we also know, she has no brain cells. so, it is december in the winter and as the temperature plunges, she continues to wait. she freezes to death. in the morning, the newspaper prints "service hoe found stiffed" Death #4 tess is desperate. she thinks that she is losing max, cause she is, of course. so, she decides to recreate the conditions of the first time max kissed her. she wrecks her car and begins to wait in the rain under the shoe service sign, he head covering the "s" so it says hoe service. as we all know, she barely wears clothes so she is dressed in barely anything. as we also know, she has no brain cells. so, it is december in the winter and as the temperature plunges, she continues to wait. she freezes to death. in the morning, the newspaper prints "service hoe found stiffed" Death #5 tess is wandering around the valenti household feeling all depressed that max does not love her. she decides that chocolate will make her feel better. she wanders to the kitchen to forage for some. her favorite way to eat the delectable treat is to throw it up and catch it in her mouth. she has devoured the whole box and throws the last one up into the air. it lands upon the ceiling fan. determined to eat the last one, she pulls up a chair to the fan. as she is reaching across the fan to get the piece of chocolate, the chair falls out from under her. luckily (she thinks) her shirt gets caught on the fan. fortunatelyy (for us) the shirt begins to pull tighter and tighter around her neck, blocking her air way. she slowly is chocked to death. when valenti returns home, he is so engrossed with reading an article about the buffalo bills in sports illustrated, that he does not notice that she is up there, and turns on the fan to get some air circulating in the house. she spins there for hours. the end. Death #6 tess thinks that she will be "cute" and play a little joke on the valentis. she takes the new chair that they have bought her and places it in front of the tv, obscuring their view of the bills playing football....they simply try to look around her. every time they do that, she moves, again obscuring their view.....after this has gone on for about ten minutes there is a stange whizzing noise, as if something is falling from the sky. an anvil crashes thru the roof and right onto tess' head. she dies, the bills win and all is right with the world. Death #7 tess has decided that she needs to look extra special today. she notices that max has been looking more and more often at liz. she breaks out the extra strength make-up (we all know that it won't help, but she is dumb). she does what she thinks is a good job, who cares that she can't move her facial muscles, right? she goes to school and realizes that max does not even notice...poor her. when she returns home, she takes her make up off...at least she tries. it fades but will not come off completely. she scrubs harder and harder but to no avail. she goes to the garage and gets some turpintine. it appears to work, and her face is all atingle. unbeknowst to her, kyle is burning insence in his room. she goes into his room to snoop around as usual, walks by the open flame, and her face explodes. boo hoo presented by the Vigilante Girls(written by Denise and Meredith) Death #8 tess has been wandering around roswell all night. max and liz had to work on a science experiment together. alex and isabel went to the observatory. and the last time she saw michael and maria they were arguing over mulder and scully's realationship. so, she has been wandering around wreaking havoc. blowing up tress, flatening tires, you know, the usual for a pissed off alien. she walks by the crashdown, looks in and smiles an evil smile. she uses the last of her power to open the lock. she then begins to wreck the place the usual way. breaking glass, throwing chairs. she spots the milkshake machine. she begins to move it towards the edge to kill it but then thinks better, she goes under the machine in order to first suck all of the yumminess out of it (kinda how she is sucking the life and soul out of our soul) unbeknowst to her, her hair gets caught on the machine. she cannot keep up with the speed of the machine and tries to pull back, her uberblonde hair will not allow this. she begins to choke to death, before she can, the milkshake machine totters over the edge, crushing her to death. Death #9 the thing everyone should know about tess is that she is hugely nosy. she loves to eavesdrop on conversations. especially if it involves a human and an alien fighting. which was why she is so happy when, as she is walking by liz's place, she hears michael and maria arguing up on liz's balcony. she cannot make out the words so she climbs halfway up the ladder. maria is saying that she came over to liz's specifically to get away from him. he wants to know what is going on with her and brody. she tells him that it is none of his business, that they are not together and that he should go and make out with a skin. "oh, this is getting good" tess thinks. she climbs higher up the ladder. however, she is almost discovered this way. maria says that she is not going to stand around and have him yell at her for hanging out with someone else. she goes for the window, michael closes it with his powers, she then goes for the ladder, he detaches half of it from the balcony. tess hangs on for dear life. michaels tells maria there is one thing she needs to hear before she leaves. "oh yeah, what? that the reason you can't be with me now is that you realized you're in love with max?" michael does not look pleased. "no, i realized that when i said maybe i loved you too much, i was wrong" maria's face drops. she cannot speak and her eyes begin to tear. he takes a step towards her, "there is no maybe about it. i love you and i won't let you leave" with his powers, he takes out the other half of the ladder. tess falls to her death and m and m are so into each other...they dont even notice. boo hoo Death #10 tess is bored. all of her "friends" have gone holiday shopping and failed to inviter her. can't imagine why. to entertain herself she decides to go online and check out various wb sites. as she clicks on links, she decides to read up on dawson's creek. she sees something called fanfic and clicks on it. she begins to read a story and realizes that a character in it, chris wolfe, sounds an awful lot like max. so, she spends hours and hours reading the stories. she goes from g to nc-17 very quickly. the computer is very old and has been fixed the valenti way, with involves duct tape. she has been drinking water ever since finding the "naughty" stories. she is so distracted that she does not notice when she spills the water on a wire that has been fixed using the valenti method. she clicks on the mouse to scroll down to the climax of the story and is electrocuted. the headline reads "harding hard up - dies" Death #11 tess has gone on vacation. she decided to leave roswell for a little while, cause for some strange reason, she thinks that no one likes her. she goes out to california to where she thinks that she can relax. california, coincidentally, is due for a big earthquake. she goes site seeing, does the usual tourist crap. she is back at her hotel room. the big one hits, she stands in the doorframe and while millions are dying, she is saved...she walks out into the hallway after every one has been evacuated, heaves a sigh of relief, then she is crushed by the roof as it caves in.... Death #12 tess is wandering the hall of w. roswell high. she goes to her locker to grab her stuff in order to leave for the day. she hear max talking to her left, she turns and sees him hurrying after liz. they appear to be fighthing. thinking quickly (for her) she jumps into her locker, leaving it ajar slightly, so she can listen to their conversation. it is one of the "i have to stay away from you for the good of your people/no you don't i love you" conversations. through the slats in the locker, tess can see that liz keeps trying to leave but max will not let her. as liz tries to walk away again, max grabs her by the shoulders and gently pushes her against tess's locker. she hears the snick of it locking. he then tells liz that he loves her and tess means nothing to him. they kiss, they make up. tess is left alone in the locker....she tries to open it...she cannot...she remembers that it is the last day of school before a holiday....she begins screaming, no one hears her..... she tries to use her powers but they are so depleted from blocking everyone's brainwaves from realizing that she is an evil skank, that the only thing she succeeds in doing is sealing off all of her airways.....she tries to claw her way out but that does not work, either. no one notices that she is not around and she suffocates in her own locker. Death #13 tess is at the valenti household. she realizes that her uberblonde locks are losing some luster. she decides to dye her hair and keep that "natural" color in. she, however, does not read the warning label on the bottle which reads "if you are an evil alien that will make millions unhappy by destroying human/alien realationships, this product is hazardous to your health" she applies the dye. it feels fine for the first few seconds...then she feels a burning sensation....and them BOOM!!!!!!!!! tess is no more. Tess Supporters  
Of course in response to the Tess haters, there sprung up some Tess supporters groups, the TPA (Tess Protection Agents) and we love Tess fanclub. |
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