Liz arrived at Maria's apartment at nine o'clock the next morning. She hadn’t been able to get much sleep from all the thoughts that had been rushing through her head. She’d wanted to call Maria and talk things over when she got home from her evening with Max, but it had been too late. So she’d tossed and turned most of the night thinking about everything that had happened.
Her lack of sleep was evident by the dark smudges under her eyes, and of course it was the first thing Maria commented on when she opened the door.
Maria grinned. "So you are going to tell me why you didn't get any sleep last night?" She started bouncing and her smile brightened as she continued excitedly. "You did it, didn't you? You slept with Max!"
Liz rolled her eyes. "No, I didn't sleep with Max."
Maria's smile was instantly replaced with a look of disappointment. "Well why not?" she asked exasperatedly.
"Maria," Liz spoke calmly, "can we focus on the reason I came here? I want to talk to you about what happened last night." She held up a hand when Maria's grin started to return. "And it did not involve anyone sleeping with anyone."
Maria stepped aside to let Liz inside and together they walked into the kitchen. "I'm starved,” Maria tossed over her shoulder. “We can talk while we eat."
"We're having lunch at noon," Liz reminded her.
Maria shrugged. "We'll just have some toast." She went to the fridge and grabbed the juice and butter while Liz got out the bread and put a few slices into the toaster.
"Okay, you didn’t sleep with him,” Maria said casually, as she hopped onto one of the stools. “So what did happen between you two last night?”
Liz answered softly, "Max told me he loves me."
"Yeah," Maria nodded vigorously, her smile getting wider.
Liz continued, "And I told him I love him too."
Maria jumped off the stool and grabbed Liz by the arms. "You did!?!? That's great!"
A concerned look suddenly crossed her brow. "But you've obviously been up all night worrying about something. So what’s wrong?"
"I don't know exactly,” Liz said. “I'm scared. It all seems so overwhelming, so fast."
Maria reached out and took her hand. "Well of course you're scared. Everyone is when they first fall in love. Giving your heart to someone is a big deal. It means they have the power to hurt you."
She looked carefully at Liz. "But you know there’s no way Max would hurt you, don't you? Not every guy is Sean."
"Sean," Liz groaned. "I haven't told Max about him and what happened."
"You will when you're ready," Maria assured her happily. She grabbed the toast, slathering butter on two slices and passing them to Liz.
She looked at the toast with a grimace and then back at Maria. "Do you think I'm being overly paranoid?"
"Maybe just a little," Maria replied with a smile. "You just need to calm down and not worry so much. Take things as slowly as you want and see what happens."
"I know you're right," Liz said with a sigh, "but situations keep happening that totally throw me. Then I start to panic and my first instinct is to push Max away so he can't hurt me, even though he hasn't really done anything."
Maria took the stool next to Liz. "You love Max, right?"
Liz nodded.
"Why?" she said simply.
"Why?" Liz asked incredulously. "What do you mean?"
"I mean why him and not," she paused dramatically, "let's say someone like Kyle."
Liz shook her head. "The feelings I have for Max and Kyle are very different.” She sighed “There is something between Max and me that is on a whole different level than anything I have experienced with Kyle or anyone else."
"So you like being with Max?"
"Yes.” Liz nodded, thinking back to the time they had spent together. “I like being with him but it is more than that. There's a chemistry, electricity." She looked at Maria exasperatedly. "I don't know exactly what to call it but it's exciting and a little dangerous, but at the same time he makes me feel safe."
She paused. "But that's not the only reason either. We have a lot of common interests. We talk. I mean really talk, and he listens. And we have fun together."
"And you want to be with him don't you?" Maria asked, munching on a piece of toast.
Liz thought for a moment and sighed, coming to the realization of the depths of her feelings for Max. "More than anything I have wanted in a long time," she answered softly.
"Well then it's worth a little aggravation and panic isn't it?" Maria asked.
Liz nodded. "Yeah, I know you're right."
"Of course I am," she said happily.
Liz sighed. "I just hope Max is as patient as you, and doesn't get tired of waiting for me."
Maria smiled. "I think he'd wait a very long time for you."
Liz looked at her carefully. "Why do you say that?"
Maria’s smile widened. "I've seen the way he looks at you. I suspected he was in love with you the first time I met him."
"You did?" Liz gasped. "That was before our first date. Why didn't you say something?"
"Didn't want to scare you," she said casually. "I imagine that's why he waited until last night to tell you."
"He did say something about that," Liz mumbled.
Maria shrugged. "Well then he's a pretty smart guy."
"Yeah,” Liz agreed, “he is."
Maria started munching on another piece of toast. "He's so smart that he invited us both with him today, but he had to guess the odds were good I wouldn't come so you two could be alone. Which," she informed Liz with a smile, "is exactly what I'm doing."
"You're not coming so we can be alone," Liz said dryly. "I thought you wanted to come with us and get to know him better."
"I do," Maria agreed, "but we can do that anytime. I think this would be a good time for you to be alone after what happened last night," she said, waggling her eyebrow significantly.
Liz considered everything she wanted to tell Max and instantly felt lighter. She wanted to share everything with him, her past, her feelings, her love, and her life, and she was suddenly desperate to tell him. "Maybe it would be a good idea for us to be alone."
"Good," Maria said, "I'm glad you agree. Now let's see if I can fix up your face a bit," she gestured to her own eyes, "and you can tell me word for word what happened last night."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Downtown was busy.
The day was warm and Saturday shoppers were taking advantage of the nice weather. Liz was forced to park a couple of blocks away from the building where Max's office was located. Exiting her car she walked rapidly toward his building, and with each step she knew that she loved him more.
She loved Max, wanted to be with him, and she was willing to take the risk to be with him.
Finally she allowed her heart to open and the love she felt for Max poured out and flowered, filling every part of her until it was almost overwhelming. But she wasn't scared of what she felt, she welcomed and cherished it.
For the first time in years she felt open and free. The past didn’t seem so overpowering any more. Max’s love was allowing her to heal.
He had been so patient with her, so wonderful; slowly getting to know her, and letting her see him so honestly, his feelings and intensions. It had helped her work past her fears, and gave her hope for their future together.
She loved being with him. He was smart, funny, romantic, and he was a good man. She really felt like she could tell him anything, and he would understand. He was everything she had ever wanted in a relationship, and she was completely in love with him.
Liz stopped directly across from the building and waited impatiently for the light to turn, noting it was the final barrier standing between them. She wanted to be with him and she couldn't wait to tell him.
She looked around eagerly trying to spot Max, and as if on cue he came out the front door. Liz smiled and raised her hand to wave to him as his gaze swept toward her. But before he saw her someone called his name and drew his eyes in the opposite direction.
Liz felt a tug of jealously and turned the same direction to see the woman who had taken Max's attention away from her.
And it was definitely a woman who had called to him, there was no mistaking that. She was beautiful, thin but buxom, and her long blonde hair tumbled down her back in thick, wavy masses. The woman wore a dress Liz considered indecently short and it clung to her generous curves like a second skin.
Liz stood transfixed as she watched the woman launch herself into Max’s arms and draw his face to hers for a short but blazing kiss.
At first Liz was confused. This woman must be someone Max had known in the past, someone whom he hadn't seen in a while. But the embrace didn't end. Max separated them enough to speak to her but still held her upper arms. The woman's hands roamed over his chest and shoulders, her face upturned, her smile seductive.
Suddenly Liz realized it was the woman they had seen at the restaurant. Tess Harding.
As Liz watched them together a cold, tight knot of dread started in her stomach and rapidly unfurled to spread through her.
Kyle's words from the day before rang through her head.
He is known to be quite a playboy, a different woman every week.
Liz had easily dismissed the words at the time, but watching the scene before her seemed to confirm everything Kyle had said.
What she was witnessing wasn't a renewed acquaintance. Tess was obviously Max’s lover.
And even though Liz’s heart was breaking, she couldn't seem to turn away.
As she watched them she wondered vaguely when Max would remember he was supposed to be meeting her. Perhaps he had planned this scene to get rid of her, or perhaps his lover had discovered the reason she would have been left alone today and had come to claim him.
She saw Max shake his head while saying something to Tess and then he furtively glanced around. Liz knew he was looking for her and she felt like running before his eyes could reach her, but she wanted him to know she had seen him. He couldn't fool her anymore.
She waited until his eyes locked with hers, and a jolt of pain sliced through her and almost brought her to her knees.
Max's eyes widened and then became cold and hard as he took in her taut expression. Using all the strength she possessed, Liz turned away from him and started walking back toward her car.
"Liz!" he called out, and she started walking more rapidly.
"Liz wait!"
She stopped and turned toward him in spite of herself. Max was attempting to cross the busy street against the light to get to her, and she turned and ran. At that moment her only thought was to get away from him as quickly as possible. She didn’t even care that her actions would show him exactly how much he had hurt her.
Racing to her car, she got in and locked the doors. She fumbled with the keys but managed to get the car started, and was just pulling away from the curb as Max reached her window.
"Liz please,” he begged, “you have to listen to me."
She couldn’t even look at him, and kept her focus straight ahead. Tears started to prick her eyes and she put the car in gear and urged it past him.
"Liz!"
Max’s voice came louder and Liz glanced into the rear-view mirror to see him running after her. She put her foot on the accelerator and drove to the light, turning the corner so she wouldn’t have to wait.
She drove as quickly as she could, not caring where she was going, only knowing she had to get away from him.
She took a few more random turns and sped up, trying not to think about what had happened. She couldn’t see anything except the road ahead, and the only sound was the ringing in her ears. Everything around her was simply a blur.
But she couldn’t stop the picture of Max and Tess running through her mind. Over and over again she saw them embracing, kissing passionately. Her throat got tighter and tighter and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
Finally she had to pull over on a lonely stretch of road and give in to the tears she’d been somehow keeping at bay. Once they started she couldn't stop them. The sobs racked her body and she gave herself up to them, not having the strength to fight any more.
Memories of the times she had spent with Max came rushing forward, crowding into her mind. She brutally pushed them away, unable to think about him and how he'd made her feel. But each moment of their time together kept resurfacing and started dragging her deeper until she was drowning in misery.
She cried even harder, gasping for breath.
It was her own fault that he had been able to hurt her because she had let him inside. She should have paid attention to her instincts. She’d known he was dangerous and fought against him and the feelings he caused at first. But foolishly she’d allowed him break down her barriers.
She had opened her heart and started to love him, and he had taken advantage of her vulnerability, just like she knew he would.
Gradually a protective numbness settled over her and her sobs slowly receded. Liz reached for tissues to wipe the tears from her cheeks and eyes. She started to look at her surroundings, but did immediately recognize where she was. Eventually she spotted a landmark and realized that she had automatically driven toward Alex's house.
But Alex wasn't home, he was out of town on business.
Max's business.
Fresh pain sliced through her, but this time she was able to hold back the tears.
She’d thought Max was different, thought he cared for her, loved her, but she was a fool. All men were the same no matter how good they were at hiding it. She’d let Max breach her defenses, and he’d made her care for him. How could she have been so stupid? She should have known better.
There was only one way out of the situation, she had to cut all ties with Max. She would refuse to see him again, but she knew he wouldn't give her up easily. He would lie and tell her Tess meant nothing to him, and he would beg her for another chance. He would tell her that he would change, that it would never happen again, but this time she wouldn't believe. She knew what Max was and she would harden her heart.
Liz reasoned that Max would probably be looking for her at her house so she wouldn't go there. Briefly she considered going to Alex's house and using her key to let herself in. But she really didn't want to be alone, so she turned the car toward Maria's apartment.
A few minutes later Liz arrived and knocked impatiently for Maria to answer the door.
Maria opened the door and gasped when she saw Liz's tear ravaged appearance. "Liz, what the hell happened?" she demanded as she drew her into an embrace.
The tears threatened to start again but Liz struggled to hold them back. Her voice was just a whisper, "Max was with another woman."
Maria pulled them both inside and down onto the couch with her arms still around Liz. "What do you mean, with another woman?"
Liz looked down, ashamed to meet her sister’s eyes. "I saw him kissing another woman," she said softly.
Maria shook her head, her confusion evident in her tone. "What do you mean kissing?"
"I mean kissing," Liz stressed the final word.
"Oh," Maria gasped. Her brow creased. "You're sure it was him?"
Liz nodded.
"That asshole!" Maria exclaimed. "I can't believe it! And I can’t believe I helped him."
Liz’s eyes snapped to Maria’s. "What do you mean?" she asked anxiously.
Maria sighed. "I mean I purposefully gave you extra space so you would be free to get to know each other. And Alex pumped me for information that I presume he then passed to Max. Alex," she said, shaking her head, "I could kill him too."
"What kind of information?" Liz asked shakily.
"Nothing huge,” Maria assured her. “Alex asked me about your relationship with Kyle. You know, how long you'd been seeing each other, and what you felt about him, stuff like that."
She sighed, squeezing Liz’s hand. "Oh Liz, I'm so sorry. I thought Max was different. I thought he would be good for you. He seemed..." she waved her hand dismissingly. "I’ve been pushing you to go after him," she smiled grimly, "and all along you're instincts were right."
"It's not your fault.” Liz shook her head. “I should've known better," she moaned, her voice growing softer with every word. "I did know better. I just hoped..."
Maria hugged her tightly. "You hoped Max was different because you love him."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The day passed slowly but finally the sky started to darken and Liz began to relax. All day she’d expected Max to show up. He didn't know where Maria lived but Liz knew he was resourceful, and she had no doubt he could find out. But hours had passed and he hadn't arrived yet, and Liz began to think maybe he wouldn't come.
Maria convinced Liz without too much urging to stay with her for the weekend. They both agreed Max was likely to look for Liz at her house, and Maria thought it would be best for Liz to stay away from him for a while. "Max doesn't know where I live," Maria pointed out, "so you'll stay here and tomorrow I'll go to your house and pack a few things for you."
"Thanks Maria,” Liz said. “I’m not ready to face him yet.” She shook her head. “I just feel so stupid and used."
Maria nodded understandingly and then continued with a laugh trying to lighten the mood. "You know, all day I expected him to show up here."
Liz smiled sadly. "So did I."
Maria put her arm around Liz. "This whole thing is so strange. I thought for sure that Max was in lo..." she let her sentence trail off. "Well never mind, it doesn't matter."
Liz helped Maria fix them a simple dinner. And even though she insisted she wasn't hungry, Maria convinced her to eat a few bites.
They had just finished cleaning up when a knock at the door made them both jump. Liz felt all of the blood drain from her face as she looked at Maria.
"Are you expecting someone?" Liz asked breathlessly.
Maria shook her head. "No,” she said with a grimace, “but I think we can guess who it is." She took in Liz's pale face and strained expression. "Maybe you should wait here and I'll get rid of him."
Liz nodded, her heart drumming so loudly she could barely hear. She sat motionless as Maria left the room but the insistent knocking mobilized her. Leaping to her feet, Liz rushed to get closer to the door. She hurried down the hall and stopped just around the corner from the entryway.
She heard Maria open the door, and Max's voice was like a knife through her heart. His tone strangled, almost tortured. "Maria is Liz here?"
Her sister's voice was soft. "She's here."
"Thank God," he said, expelling a deep breath. "I've been looking for her all day. I was so worried after she took off this morning. Please, I have to see her."
Against her will Liz peeked around the corner and almost gasped at the change in Max's appearance from the morning.
He had been so tidy and perfect, and he was completely altered. His jacket and tie were missing, and his shirt and trousers were so wrinkled it looked as if he had slept in them. His hair was sticking out at odd angles, as if he had dragged his fingers through it repeatedly.
But the thing that drew Liz's attention the most was his face. He looked haggard as if he hadn't slept in a week. The delicate lines around his eyes and mouth seemed deeper, more pronounced, and he appeared to have aged five years in just a few hours.
"She doesn't want to see you Max," Maria said, her voice firmer.
"Please let me in," he demanded softly. "There was a terrible misunderstanding. I have to see her. I have to tell her what she saw wasn't as it appeared."
"Max, just go away," Maria said, shaking her head. "Liz needs some time."
"I just have to talk to her," he insisted.
At that moment his eyes drifted up and rested on Liz's face and he surged forward past Maria. "Liz, I have to explain," he said anxiously.
Liz backed away and held up her hands.
He stopped immediately. "Please Liz."
Seeing him was too overwhelming and tears flooded her eyes. "No Max." She shook her head making the tears roll down her face.
"Liz," he pleaded. "I used to date Tess but I haven't seen her for months. We haven't been together for a long time. I don't even know why she acted like that. The end wasn't pleasant. It was a mistake. She made a mistake."
For a fleeting moment Liz wanted to believe. It had been a mistake. Max loved her and it would be alright.
Then suddenly something Max had said to her flashed into her mind.
I can be pretty sneaky when I want to be.
Max’s words echoed in her mind louder and louder until she put hands to her temples trying to block the sound. Squeezing her eyes shut, Liz willed his mocking words to fade.
When they had receded into the background she forced her eyes open and focused all of her pain and anger on him as she struggled to meet his gaze. "No! No, Max! You made the mistake. I saw you kissing her, holding her. I won't let you make a fool out of me!"
"I would never do that Liz, you know me better than that," he insisted. "I wasn't kissing her, she kissed me. She threw herself at me, and I was trying to push her away.”
He reached out to her. “I swear, since I started seeing you there has been no one else. From the first time I saw you, I knew you were the one, and I haven't wanted anyone else. I only want to be with you. I only love you."
"I don't believe you." Liz said softly.
Max recoiled as if she had slapped him. "Liz you have to believe me," he ground out bleakly. "It's the truth."
Liz shook her head. "No, I can't believe you. I can't let you hurt me anymore."
Maria had been watching the exchange with a grim expression, and stepped between them. "Max, it's been a long day for all of us and it's getting late. Please go now."
Max nodded, never taking his eyes off of Liz. She could feel the pull of his gaze, and shivers racked her body. Self-consciously she crossed her arms over her chest attempting to warm herself.
"I swear I'm innocent,” Max said. “This can't be the end Liz. I love you too much and I know you love me."
The intensity that burned in his eyes made Liz's breath catch, and he continued to hold her gaze as he slowly backed out the door. Liz shook her head and opened her mouth to protest but Max cut her off.
"You're staying here," he said, making it more of a statement than a question.
Liz nodded automatically.
"I'll come back tomorrow," he promised.
Max stood outside, his gaze unwavering until Maria shut the door between them.
She collapsed against it with a sigh. "Wow, I knew he was intense but I wasn't prepared for that."
"Yeah," Liz agreed. "That's why I didn't want to see him yet. I was afraid he would be able to coerce me into going back to him. There's just something about his eyes that draws me to him, and when he kisses me I feel like I can't deny him anything."
"So why haven't you slept with him?" Maria asked. "It's obvious he wants you."
Liz shrugged. "He said he wouldn't push me and he hasn't. I thought he was waiting for me to be ready, but now I really don't know what to think. Maybe it was just a ploy to make me trust him."
She shook her head trying to arrange her thoughts. "I don't know what to believe. What is true and what's not?"
"I don't know what to believe either," Maria admitted. "He seemed so sincere with his explanation, but you saw them together. He did look awful, like he had been worrying about you all day." Maria shrugged. "There are so many contradictions. Well," she sighed, "you don't have to decide now, you have time."
Liz nodded. "I’m so tired. I think I'll take a bath and go to bed."
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Maria agreed. “If you need anything, like a shoulder to cry on or just to talk, let me know."
Liz hugged her. "Thanks. I'm glad I have you."
"I'm glad I have you too," Maria said, hugging her tightly.
Liz filled the bath with hot water and some of Maria's bath oils. The package said it was a specially blended mixture for relaxation, and the soothing fragrance was soon swirling around her. She let her head lean back against the side of the tub and tried to block thoughts of Max, but her whole body was still pulsating from the brief contact they had.
After a few minutes of trying Liz gave up, knowing it was useless. What she really needed was a ten-mile jog to exhaust her mind and body, otherwise she doubted she would get any sleep.
She couldn't believe that just twenty-four hours ago she had been the happiest she’d ever been in her life, and now she was the saddest. It was amazing how quickly things could change.
Finishing her bath, Liz wrapped a robe around her and was just going to say goodnight to Maria when the phone rang.
The first person Liz thought of was Max. Her heart raced with excitement she didn't want to feel. She waited breathlessly for Maria's voice telling her the call was for her. But when it didn't come Liz wondered if Maria had told Max not to bother her any more tonight.
Liz realized she had gotten used to seeing or talking to Max every day. She had come to think of him not just as a man but also as a friend, a very good friend. They had been able to talk about all kinds of things and he listened and understood. She was going to miss him, but even more she would miss the friend he had become.
She had trusted him, even against her better judgment. Max had made her trust him. He had slowly gained her friendship and trust while never letting her forget he was a man who wanted her.
She had admired his control, his strength of will and had let herself become caught up in what he was offering. He said he loved her, and maybe he did, but she wasn't the kind of person who could share him with other women. Some men just couldn't limit themselves to one woman and she wasn't going to become part of a harem.
But it would have been easier to walk away from him if he hadn’t told her loved her.
"Liz?" Maria's voice brought her out of her contemplation as she wandered into the kitchen. "I made some tea. Would you like some?"
"Yeah." Liz took a seat at the table and paused a moment, trying to sound casual. "Who was on the phone?"
"It was Alex,” Maria said. “He was worried about you."
"Oh," Liz said, annoyed that she could hear the disappointment in her own voice.
Maria shook her head. "Apparently Max called him to get my address when he couldn't find you today."
Liz smiled slightly. "I wondered how he found us."
Maria handed a cup to Liz. "Alex told me Max was going crazy when he couldn't find you. He waited at your house for over an hour and when you didn't turn up he started looking everywhere he could think of; your office, the park, even Alex's house. And in between he kept checking back at your place. When you hadn't returned by dinnertime he thought maybe you had gotten in an accident and he started checking the hospitals."
Max did care for her. Liz felt a rush of warmth filling her but she quickly clamped it down. He did care but she couldn't allow it to matter to her.
Maria continued. "Max told Alex what happened today. I was a bit surprised he did but I guess he couldn't keep it a secret for long."
She paused and looked closely at Liz who was interestedly studying the pattern on her cup. "The thing is, Alex believes Max. He said Max would never do anything like that to you or anyone, and he has never known Max to lie."
Liz's hands were shaking so badly she set the cup on the table to keep from dropping it. "Kyle, knows about Max,” Liz said softly. “He told me Max had a reputation as a player.”
She shook her head. “Max said he loved me, and maybe he does, but it's obvious I'm not the only woman in his life. And maybe Alex doesn't know him as well a he thinks."
"Or maybe Kyle got bad information," Maria suggested.
"Maria,” Liz said angrily, “I thought you were on my side! I saw them together!"
"I am on your side,” Maria assured her. “I'm just trying to make sense out of all of this conflicting information." She reached for Liz's hand. "You know I'll support you no matter what you decide."
"There's no decision," Liz said with finality. "I won't live like this again. I won’t let the past repeat itself. I want Max out of my life."
Maria's face hardened with determination and she nodded. "Okay, if that's what you want, we'll get rid of him."
