Liz felt a stab of pain through her chest because of the tone of Max's voice. He was hurt that she'd run, she could hear it in his voice. She felt as if the breath had been knocked from her lungs, and unable to run any more she slipped into one of the side doors of the cabin.
Quickly closing and locking the door behind her, she collapsed into the wall sobbing. She hadn’t survived that encounter intact. She was just a collection of pieces being held together by sheer will, and it was rapidly crumbling.
How could Max still mean so much to her?
Her sobs slowly subsided and she impatiently wiped the moisture from her face. She had to be strong, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle another meeting with Max yet. She needed a place to be alone, to try and collect herself, but she didn’t know where to go. Obviously she couldn't go to her room, it was the first place he would look. And he knew all of the same places in the woods outside. They'd found them together after all, and there would be no sanctuary there any more. Max knew her too well.
Liz sighed wondering how she was going to survive the whole weekend. At this rate, she would be a blithering idiot before dinner. It was a mistake for her to have come but she hadn't known she would have to face Max. She thought she was escaping him, and would have some time to sort out her feelings, but he was there and she was hurting him. And no matter what pain he caused her, she couldn't bear to hurt him. She loved him no matter what he had done.
Suddenly the solution came to her. She couldn't be around him so she would have to leave. There would be too many questions from her relatives if she left today, but she could leave on the first bus tomorrow morning. She wouldn't mention to anyone that she was going until the last moment, and then she could be sure of a successful escape. The only problem was she had to stay away from Max until then. There was no way she could avoid him at dinner but there would be too many witnesses for him to cause trouble. That just left the afternoon and the rest of the evening to get through unscathed.
She remembered Maria's advice about keeping occupied and headed toward the kitchen to offer her humble services. Dinner was hours away but Liz was surprised to see that no one was there yet. Glancing around for something to do, her eyes fell on the canister of flour and she impulsively decided to make a cake. It had been one of her mother's specialties and Liz hadn't made one for what seemed like years.
Quickly checking for the other ingredients, Liz threw herself into the task, directing her nervous energy into the mindless task. As she worked she could hear laughter in another part of the house, and it was strangely comforting knowing that she was alone and Max was occupied elsewhere.
Concentrating on the measuring and stirring, Liz tried not to think of him at all. She tried not to think of the pain in his voice when he called after her as she ran away from him. She tried not to think of the hurt look on his face as she turned away from him on the bus, and she tried not to think of him and the confrontation she knew was inevitable.
Pouring the batter into a pan, she put it into the oven and then started to mix the sweet chocolate frosting.
She wondered how Max would approach her this time. Would he continue to protest his innocence even with two witnesses? He had claimed the first meeting with Tess had been a coincidence, and she had finally believed him. But two encounters with the same woman, who he admitted he used to date, were just too damning. He had to be lying.
But how could he be so convincing when he was lying through his teeth? she asked herself.
She shook her head, already knowing the answer. It was because she loved him desperately.
Max had become a part of her so quickly, and she missed everything about him terribly. She had anticipated being with him, possibly spending her life with him. She had dared to be happy, and it had been ripped away from her.
She couldn’t be with him, but how was she going to survive without him?
Tears pricked at her eyes as she was overcome by a deep inner despair.
Liz turned toward the sliding glass door, noticing it was snowing. Big, fluffy flakes fell silently from the sky, making the trees beyond appear almost blue. She leaned her head against the cold glass, letting it leach the fever from her brain.
The scene was so peaceful, the flakes falling faster and faster, swirling down, collecting on the trees and yard. Opening the door a crack, she took deep breaths of the cold air, savoring the scent of the snow and trees, willing herself to let go of her troubling thoughts of Max.
She stood there a long time, just letting the serenity and beauty of the scene sink into her wounded soul, and finally she felt some of her inner calm returning. A strength and warmth surrounded her, even though she was standing in the cold air, and it helped restore a feeling of peace within.
The timer on the oven brought her back to reality with a jolt, and she closed the door and turned to take the cake out of the oven. Liz cleaned the counters and put away the items that she had used, and had just finished putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher when the hair on the back of her neck started to prickle.
She hadn’t heard anything, but even without turning, she knew Max was in the room. He had found her at last, she thought, or maybe he'd known all along where she was and he had just waited for the right moment. She was glad she’d had some time to gather herself before she had seen him again, and she took a deep breath before turning around.
Max was standing just within the doorway, and her breath caught in her throat when she saw him. He looked haggard and tired and her heart went out to him. For a moment they stood looking at one another, his golden eyes holding hers. She loved him and wanted so desperately to go to him, but she held her ground.
"Liz," he whispered and started toward her with his hand outstretched.
Liz was paralyzed with indecision for a moment and watched as he took two steps forward. But his action forced her reflexes to kick in and she took three steps back, instinctively, out of pure self-preservation. She was extremely vulnerable to him.
He stopped when she backed away from him, a look of pain crossing his face. Max held up both hands, palms toward her, in a calming gesture. "Liz, what did you mean with the message you left me?"
"J-Just what it s-said." Her voice sounded choked to her own ears and she paused for a moment to gather herself, her chin rising in determination. "I w-won't be having dinner, or anything else with you ever again."
"Why?” he asked soflty. “I thought we had worked all of this out. What happened to change your mind?"
He started forward again and she retreated, putting the island between them.
She shook her head. "I know you had a very intimate lunch with Tess yesterday."
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"Ky-...” Liz started and then broke off starting again. “Um... s-someone saw you with her in the restaurant."
Max nodded crisply. "So Kyle has been trying to poison you against me."
Liz flinched at the angry edge in his voice.
"Liz he's lying," Max said in a calmer tone, but Liz could hear the emotion beneath.
He stepped around the island and she retreated around one of the other corners, careful to keep the distance between them. Max sighed, "Liz come over here so we can talk properly."
She shook her head. "I know what talking properly means to y-you. You don't want to talk at all. You want to coerce me with your kisses until I'll agree to anything."
He grinned and she felt like her knees would give out. She clutched the edge of the island for support. "Okay I admit it," Liz continued, "I c-can't resist you when you kiss me, so I'm not letting you get any c-closer. I have a clear head right now and I want you to go."
Max stepped around the corner to get closer, and again she mirrored his action, stepping back. "No Liz,” he said firmly. “I'm not leaving until we work this out. Why won't you believe me?"
She opened her mouth prepared to give him a scathing comment, but the truth tumbled out instead. "I want to believe you," she said quietly. "More than anything I have ever wanted in my life, I want to believe you."
Again he stepped forward and instantly she shrank back around another corner. He sighed. "You believed me Thursday. You just need to have a little faith in me, in us. I swear that I would never hurt you," he held out his hand toward her.
She shook her head. "But Kyle..."
"Forget about Kyle," he cut her off. "You know me Liz,” he said softly. “You know I would never hurt you," he insisted, his eyes never leaving hers.
Liz could see the sincerity in his eyes but something inside her still panicked, and as he came around the side she backed away again like some strange game of ring-around-the-rosy. "I d-don't know what to think," she whispered.
"Liz," Max said calmly, almost pleadingly, "I love you. You know I do, and you love me." He inched toward her around the island. "There is no one else. I want to be with you."
His eyes held hers and she could feel the soft invitation he was issuing, to lose herself in him the way she had so many times before.
"I'm sorry you were hurt by what you saw, Liz," his voice was just barely above a whisper. "But you know it wasn’t real. Deep down you know I would never cheat on you. I love you and I want to be with you always."
She felt herself slipping into his eyes, letting the warmth surround her, comfort her. His voice was so calm and soothing, and it had been a long stressful day after many sleepless nights. Liz was tired, drained emotionally and physically and she started to believe that what Max was saying must be true because it felt so right. His love was wearing away at her resistance. The wildness inside her was lessening and she felt a tear slide down her cheek.
She shook her head, looking down as the conflicting thoughts assailed her. Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment, and when she opened them Max was standing right next to her. The panic came back full force and she tried to run, but he was quicker, having anticipated her attempt to escape, and grabbed her arms, pulling her into a tight embrace.
The fear nearly overwhelmed her and she struggling fiercely, pushing desperately against his chest. "Let m-me go. Please let me g-go," she pleaded.
Max held her tightly and whispered into her hair, "I will never let you go."
Liz froze as she felt a shiver go down her spine, shocked at the quiet determination in his words.
He must have felt it too because he began speaking in a soothing voice. "Liz, I know you're scared, but we can overcome anything as long as we are together. You know how good we are together, how right it feels."
Max's cheek rubbed against hers and his warm breath caressed her ear as he spoke. "We both knew it was special from the first time we met. I couldn't believe what was happening in that restaurant. I felt like I had been cut off at the knees. There was something between us so dynamic, I could literally feel the electricity. I was so drawn to you, I could barely take my eyes off of you, and even though you tried to play it cool I could tell you felt the same things about me."
Liz risked a look into his face and he turned toward her, heat shimmering in his eyes. She was suddenly afraid he would kiss her and she renewed her struggles, trying desperately to push him away.
Quickly she turned her face away from him, toward his shoulder and he held her to him more tightly. Her struggles were useless because he was stronger and she knew she wouldn't escape him until he let her. "Please Max... let... me... go," she begged, her breaths coming in gasps because of her panic.
"Shhh." he soothed. "It's okay. I promise I'll never let anything hurt you again."
He paused, tensing slightly before he continued. "I know why you are so afraid to let yourself get involved. When I first asked Alex about you he told me that you had been badly hurt, almost destroyed by a past relationship, and I had to be patient, and careful not to scare you away."
Liz stopped her struggles and held herself rigid in his arms as he continued.
"Alex didn't tell me the details, he just said that a man had tried to control you, manipulate you, make you into what he wanted. But you were strong, you stood up to him and you didn't let him win. You know I've never tried to control you. I love everything about you and I want you just the way you are. But I can understand the fear. Letting someone close to you always involves risk, but we are worth the risk.”
He started to stroke her hair as he continued. “I know that deep down inside you believe it too. You trust me, and you love me. You are just letting your fear of the past get in the way. You need to have some faith in yourself.”
Softly he recounted the times they had spent together, the walks in the woods, the picnic by the lake, the times they laughed, kissed. "Everything is right when we are together,” he said softly. “I feel more complete, more of a man when I'm with you. The things I feel for you, I have never felt for anyone else and I know I never will."
Max’s words echoed her own emotions and they began to drown out her fears and doubts. And as he continued to speak she could feel her breathing returning to normal, the panic subsiding.
She always felt calmer when she was with him.
Liz was tired of fighting him physically and mentally and she was having a hard time remembering why she was fighting in the first place. She stopped trying to push him away and let her head rest against his chest. Max loosened his grip, sensing the fight was leaving her.
One of his hands slid up her back, as he caressed her hair with the other. His voice was just barely above a whisper. "I love you, you love me, and we can work this out together. But you have to stop fighting me, and stop running."
Liz was still somewhat confused but it felt so right being in his arms and she let herself lean into him, her uneasiness replaced by his calm. Something deep within her warned that she should keep up the fight, struggle, get away, but all she really wanted was to stay in his arms forever.
He kissed her head. “When you get scared, I’ll be here for you.”
Max continued to speak soft endearments, and she let his voice wash through her and sweep away the doubt and the hurt. Her body was relaxing against him more and more with every breath, her muscles untensing until he was practically supporting her. And he just held her.
Gradually she became aware that his heart was racing and she knew he was just as scared as she was, and the realization jolted her. Max was desperately scared of losing her, and that meant she had power over him too.
And suddenly Liz felt like her head was clearing, like she was seeing the truth for the first time.
She’d been scared to death of Sean, but never once had she feared Max.
To Sean she had simply been a sick obsession, and he had tried to keep her with him by using violence and false declarations of love. But Max truly loved her, that is why he hadn’t given up on her.
That was the biggest difference between Max and Sean she realized, but it wasn’t the only one. Max was sweet and kind and romantic, and he had never done anything to hurt her. He hadn’t pushed her, and he’d been so patient.
Sean’s stories, his lies had changed continually, and he’d blamed her for everything that was wrong in their lives.
Max had never once wavered in his explanations. He had calmly declared his innocence, trusting her to believe in him and see the truth for herself.
And he was right.
Buried beneath all of her fear and confusion, she really did trust him. That is why she’d never been afraid of him. That was why it had been so easy for her to continue to love him, and finally believe him. That is why she’d let him back into her life without a shred of proof.
Even from the first she’d never been afraid of him. She realized Max was right. What she was really afraid of, was trusting herself.
She’d made a lot of bad decisions when she’d been with Sean, and it had taught her not to trust her judgment. Sean had deliberately broken her down to keep her with him, and made her question everything about herself.
Even after she’d left Sean she had never really recovered her confidence. She continued to doubt herself about almost everything. She believed it was safer to live without love, and not risk her heart again. But when Max had come into her life, he’d turned all of her plans upside down.
His kindness had made her think that maybe it was possible to have love in her life.
But in the back of her mind she had never believed that she deserved to be happy. Max seemed too wonderful, too good to be true, and she realized that she had been waiting for something to go horribly wrong. She had been waiting for Max to turn into Sean.
And she’d believed Kyle’s lies so eagerly because it was easier than facing her own fears.
Since she had left Sean, her greatest fear had been that she would end up with someone like him again. Someone who would turn her love against her, and break her down until there was almost nothing left of her.
But Max wasn’t Sean. She’d been a fool to even compare them at all.
Max would never hurt her, he would never try to control her. He loved her with no conditions, and with hardly any encouragement from her at all.
She’d let her past get in the way. She’d let her experience with Sean color her present until she couldn’t tell what the truth was. And she’d almost let Sean ruin her life again, by making her doubt the most wonderful man she had ever met.
Liz lifted her head to look at Max, and his thumb traced the edge of her jaw, causing a shiver to run through her.
He gently cupped her chin and simply said, "I love you, Liz."
Liz could see the truth shining in his eyes and hear it in the tone of his voice. She felt a profound joy, as if her heart would burst. She didn’t hesitate at all. She slid her arms around his waist, burying her face into his shirt, and held on to him tightly, for her life, her sanity.
For the first time, she had no doubts, no inner conflict. His familiar scent, the feel of him against her was all so right, it was just like coming home.
Tears started in her eyes, remembering how horrible she’d been to him. "I’m so sorry, Max," she said in a strangled voice. "I do believe you. I trust you."
He sighed deeply, releasing a breath he had been holding, and pulled her more tightly to him. “I know you do,” he said softly. “You just had to realize it yourself.”
Liz nodded. “It’s myself I don’t trust, my judgment.” She sighed. “I’ve been so scared to believe that anything good could happen to me, so scared to be happy. I kept waiting for it all to go wrong.”
“And I made it all go wrong,” she gasped, as more tears threatened. “You’ve been nothing but patient and wonderful, and I’ve done nothing but push you away. I’ve been such a fool, and I wouldn’t blame you if you were tired of me and just walked away.”
Max stroked her hair. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said softly.
He placed a kiss on the top of her head. “From what Alex told me, I knew being with you might not be easy. But from the first moment I saw you, you are all I’ve wanted.”
Liz thrilled at his words, but she was still worried. She looked up to meet his eyes, and a tear slid down her cheek. “Thank you for not giving up on me. I promise I won’t run away again.” She tightened her arms around him. “I want to be with you. But what if I’m too messed up, too damaged to have a normal relationship?”
Max held her eyes. “Nothing is wrong with you,” he said solemnly.
He cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears. “No relationship is perfect or easy, but we can work through all the problems together.”
Liz nodded. She wanted that more than anything, but first she had to try to let go of the past. "Let's go up to my room where we won’t be disturbed,” she said softly. “I want to tell you everything."
