I saw something in his eyes when we drove home that morning, but I pretended it wasnt there.



The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb




We had just spent the night together after making love for the first time, and I wanted to believe that he felt the same for me as I felt for him.

But he was completely silent as we drove and it scared me a little. Then I saw his eyes and I swear my heart stopped beating for a moment. But I had to be wrong.

It was our destiny to be together, to be in love. We were meant for each other. Id been told about it all my life, the great love I shared with my husband in our last life and how it would be in the same in this one. And last night had proven it.

Maybe I was a little worried because of the feelings I knew he had for Liz, or maybe it was because things had happened so quickly between us.

But really they hadnt. We had a lot of history. After all we used to be married, and Max was remembering how it was between us. He was remembering his love for me.

Yes, I assured myself, Max had finally realized his feelings and now we were together.

And I was convinced I had been wrong to worry when we got to my house and he walked me inside. He was so perfect, so tender and he kissed me goodbye. We were definitely together now.

I went into my room feeling like I was walking on clouds. I didnt even care that the Sheriff was angry. How could I care about something like that when Id just spent the night with my husband?

It was still early and I had time to go to bed before school, but I was too excited. I wanted to relive every moment of our night. I walked around my room, filled with happiness and energy and finally stopped in front of the mirror to see if I looked any different, because I felt like everything was different.

My whole world changed last night.

And I was right. My eyes got wide as I realized our night together had not only changed everything between us, but it was going to change both our lives forever.

For a moment I couldnt believe it, but a quick use of my powers confirmed it. I was pregnant with my husbands child.

Id never been happier and I wanted to share it with Max immediately. I was sure hed be so happy too. This was our destiny. It was how it was supposed to be between us.

Id known all along that he wanted this as much as I did. Our love had survived our deaths, had spanned two lifetimes and a trip across the galaxies. It was meant to be.

I was so excited that I got ready and I went to school really early wanting nothing more than to see Max. I waited in the main hall where Id be sure to spot him the minute he came in. It seemed like forever as I searched each face that came through the door, but finally he was there.

I went rushing up to him but hesitated when I saw his eyes.

It was there again.



Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before




He was so uncomfortable as he talked to me and Michael that a shiver went through me. I wondered if it was just too new to him, if he needed some time, but when I asked him about it he smiled, and I thought Id must have imagined what Id seen.

He held out his hand to me. He wanted this and he was trying. It would take some getting used to, for him and for everyone else, but I was sure now that we were together it would all be okay.

So I took his hand and we walked down the hallway at school together.

Everyone looked at us with surprise, but I didnt care. I knew they were used to seeing him with Liz, but what did it matter what everyone else thought if Max was committed to me?

I was so excited to tell him my news. I knew hed be excited too. A baby was the perfect outcome of our love.

But it was all so new between us, and I thought maybe it would be better to give him a little time, so I didnt say anything at school. I just smiled as I watched everyone around us realize that Max and I were together now. He was mine, and I wanted everyone to know.

I dont think I stopped smiling all day.

All day he was so sweet to me, so attentive every time I saw him in the hall. I ran out of each of my classes to meet him as he was going to his locker, just to be near him a little longer.

He didnt kiss me or touch me really, other than to hold hands when I reached for his, but he was still getting used to the idea. And even if I did see a hint of it in his eyes from time to time, I reminded myself that he wanted this and he was trying. It would all work out.

Finally that night we were alone together sitting in the park. We seemed to always end up there and Id begun to think of it as our park.

I was going to tell him about the baby but he seemed nervous and so quiet. I thought I could even feel him pulling away, and when I met his gaze I could see it in his eyes again even stronger this time.

When I asked him about it, he put his arm around me. He said something about implications and I could see how uncomfortable he was. But he smiled and assured me it was okay. And even though it seemed like his smile didnt quite reach his eyes, I believed him, and so I told him.

Im pregnant.

He didnt say anything.

At first I thought it was shock, but as the minutes passed, what Id caught glimpses of in his eyes earlier took him over completely.



She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly




For a moment I was so unsure. To me last night had been about reclaiming our love, but as I went over the events in my mind the doubts started to creep in. Id thought we were making love, but as I watched him I began to think he didnt feel they same way.

Hed been so lonely, so hurt. Had he slept with me just to fill up the empty place inside him Liz had left?

He drove me home in silence and I could see a strained look on his face. I didnt have to see his eyes. I knew it was still there.

But he was just surprised I told myself. When he had a chance to get used to it he would be as happy as I was.

When we got to the house, he came inside with me. I was glad but I thought it was probably because he felt he had to. I was carrying his child after all.

And I realized I could use that. He would be with me because of the baby at first, and I could build on that. I could make him realize that it was exactly what he wanted, that we would make him so happy.

A knock at the door pulled me out of my visions of our future, and I was surprised to see Liz. Of course I thought she was there to talk about Max, but she was asking about my powers instead.

I was kind of sorry. I wanted to tell her that I didnt need her help with Max. I wanted to tell her what happened between us.

Then Max came in.

I smiled. I wanted Liz to see that Max was mine, and I wanted Max to realize that his relationship with Liz was behind him now. He was with me, with his family.

But Max was so mean to Liz it shocked me.

Im a bit ashamed to say that for a moment I was happy about it. I thought it was proof that he was really getting over her. But then I saw the expression on his face. He was angry, yes, but it looked like every word he was speaking was tearing him apart. Then I wondered if his anger was proof of the exact opposite, that he wasnt over her at all, and my stomach felt like it fell to the floor.

Then I realized that hed never really shown any strong emotions when hed been with me. He was polite, controlled. The only time Id seen him truly angry, or sad, or happy was with Liz.

Even when Id told him I was pregnant, hed simply shut down.

After she left, he stared at the door for a long time. The stricken look on his face was heartbreaking, but I assured myself that it would be okay. He would get over Liz and he would be with us, love us. It might take some time but he would be so happy with our life together.



Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for

I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before




I brought his attention back to me, to us, telling him everything Nasedo told me about what a pregnancy would be like. I told him the baby was growing fast and that it would be here a lot sooner than he expected.

I saw surprise, even shock, but he nodded already accepting and I knew it would all be okay. It would all turn out just like Ive always wanted, like Ive always been told. The king and queen would have a family and live happily ever after.

It was meant to be after all.

After school the next day, he took me to the pod chamber and I had to admit I was a bit confused as to why he wanted to go there.

He was nervous again, angry even. He ranted about reading the book to find answers about what we were getting ourselves into, and that ultimately it was my decision.

I felt the blood drain out of my face as I realized he was suggesting that we might be better off not having the baby.



For the moment we're alone
But she's alone
And I'm alone
And now I know it




He doesnt want our child?

He thought he could just throw us away?

I got angry and told him I was having the baby.

He told me he would support me. Not love me, support me, like we were two stupid teens who accidentally got pregnant instead of husband and wife who made love and created a child.

I could feel him pulling away, distancing himself from me. I felt some doubt about our future for the first time, and I wondered if he really even wanted to be with me.

I could see it in his eyes more and more often. It was spreading, taking him over.



She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly



And then I realized Id have to help him see what he really wants. Help him realize his priorities.

I griped my stomach, calling out for him. When he pulled back my shirt, I started a mindwarp, making him see the glowing handprint of his child inside me.

I smiled as he reached out touching the tiny imaginary hand pressing against my stomach and gave him a vision of a son.

He was amazed, awed, and I knew Id won the battle. Now that the child was real to him, he wouldnt pull away from us again.



I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got




The next day Max came over and said he wanted to get an apartment together, and I was so happy I felt like I might burst.

What I had done worked. He was finally starting to think about our future together.

But when I mentioned going home to our planet, he hesitated, looking almost horrified, and said we had enough to think about.

I realized hes still holding back. He was still only doing this because he thought its the right thing to do. He wasnt thinking about our destiny yet.

He doesnt realize how important we are yet. He doesnt realize we have a mission to return to our planet and save our world. We are the rightful King and Queen, and now that we are together we have to go home.

He needed more convincing, and I knew just what to do.

We went into my room to study, and after a while I got up to get some drinks. I called out from the kitchen asking what he wanted, to make sure he could hear me.

Then I dropped a glass and let myself fall to the floor.

Max rushed in when he heard the breaking glass, and dropped to his knees next to me. I started a mindwarp as he connected with the baby. I gave him a terrible vision of our child gasping for breath, dying because of Earths toxic air.

He fell back against the wall as he realized the whole situation. We would have to go home to save our son. It made me smile as I saw that he was finally starting to see the importance of going home.

And he would be so happy once we got there and had taken our place as the King and Queen. He would thank me for helping him see what he really wanted.

But I was also upset that instead of embracing me or attempting to comfort me, he was leaning against the wall across the room. Its as if he wanted to get as far away from me as he could. I could see it in his eyes.



As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine

I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before




After I called out for him, reminding him that I was still there, he snapped out of it enough to come back to himself.

Then Max was so attentive, making sure I was okay. He settled me in bed and bathed my forehead with a cool cloth. He was so worried about me and hes never been so caring toward me.

I pretended to sleep for a while to give him time to get used to the idea. It seemed to be easier for him that way.

He was still there when I woke up and I could tell hed been thinking about us.

Then he said the words Id been waiting so long to hear; how hed taken me for granted and he was sorry. For a moment I was so happy, but I realized he hasnt said the one word I wanted to hear the most.

Love.

He smiled, but this time I saw through it. His face was strained, and emotion never touched his eyes.

I gasped as I met his gaze.



Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before

And she broke down, and I broke down
'Cause I was tired of lying




And then everything Ive noticed about him since that night came rushing back to me, and for the first time I saw it for what it really was.

His discomfort, his emotional detachment should have told me the truth. This wasnt how people in love behaved.

Id thought that the fairy tales Id been told my whole life of the handsome king and his beloved queen were coming true. Id been so happy, so hopeful, but if Id listened to him, if Id let myself see what he was really feeling I might have seen the truth sooner.

I would have seen his sorrow, his loneliness, his desperation that night. I thought wed been making love but he had been out of his mind with grief.

The next day hed been so uncomfortable, it was obvious to me now that hed regretted everything that happened between us, but I hadnt let him tell me the truth. He hadnt said anything because Id been so happy and he didnt want to hurt me.

Id thought we were falling in love and fulfilling our destiny, but to him this whole thing was just a huge mistake he wishes would go away.

He doesnt want me or the baby.

Hes still in love with Liz. He always will be.

I know he will do the right thing and stay with me for the sake of our son, but he will never really be happy. His life is in ruins and he is filled with emptiness.

He will never be with the one person he really loves because of what we did. And instead of being the cause of his happiness, he will always see me as the cause of his greatest sorrow and regret.

I can see it in his eyes.


She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


THE END






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